One theory about why the Bible has been incorrectly interpreted and applied by orthodox Christians is the idea that God wouldn’t create people and then ask them to be single. I remember a senior Young Life staff person presenting this as “affirming” theological reasoning in a class I was in. (Not from upfront, but as a fellow member in the class.)
My immediate thoughts are:
There are a lot of people around the world that probably do not consider their romantic status to be the most pressing issue facing them. To believe so sounds very much like someone who is in the dominant culture in the richest country on the planet trying to call not-getting-to-do-whatever-you-want-and-call-it-Biblical “oppression”.
The argument sounds a little like they’re saying, “Being single is so awful, God would NEVER create a human and then expect them to follow these the oppressive rules some Christians think need to govern their desires and actions?”
What an offensive and unBiblical viewpoint to believe about people who are currently single. I was sitting behind the guy as he was making this argument in disbelief. Um, hello?
For some reason, some in the affirming camp have come away from Scripture with the idea that God’s intent for humanity is marriage. While I would say God’s intent for sexual practice (being healthy and good) is within marriage, I don’t believe thinking marriage is the “chief aim of man” is Biblical. I log these arguments for why the Bible *must* be wrong on sexual ethics under both the foolish and offensive categories.
How can someone make this argument if you’re talking to anyone over 25-years-old who is single? Surely the affirming camp doesn’t claim that anyone can do anything they want sexually just because God doesn’t want him/her to “Be single”? Can’t most of us name close friends and family members who wouldn’t say they’d struggle with identity or attraction issues who are single? As marriage and chastity continue to lose value in our culture, it is no longer strange to see men and women in their late 20’s, 30’s, even 40’s who are unmarried.
This marriage/sexual intimacy idolatry underlies a belief perpetuated by some in the Church and in the secular world alike: marriage is the highest good and most fulfilling state of human existence.
Neither is true. And this belief will impact how you think about sexuality, attraction, and the people who choose to live identified by Christ rather than the rainbow flag.
Let’s take identity/attraction out of the conversation for a moment. Even though singleness is the natural state of a human (you’re born unmarried) and marriage requires (at least in 2020) two willing participants (in a similar age bracket, for most people, similar values, similar location, etc) there is some strange view pervasive in the church that a single person must have some deep-seated sin or issue and that is why he/she is single. Yuan points out in his book that if your view for healthiness or requirements for being a pastor excludes Jesus then you’re doing it wrong. Jesus was single.
Slight aside: Some Gnostic writings claim Jesus had an affair or was married and I remember getting into a conversation with some men on YL staff about this. I remember one asking me, “Why would it change how we think about Jesus if he was married?” They thought this heresy was not a big deal. Granted, I can imagine from the male perspective an entire life without having sex might seem difficult, but from the perspective of a woman, if Jesus married, it changes everything.
If you believe the fake accounts and think Jesus got married, that means he took a rabbit trail from his mission of completing a cosmic rescue mission of redemption so he could have sex for a few years. (This also opens us up to heresies about Jesus bearing god-human hybrid children.)
Even though Jesus would know that he would have to abandon his wife and any children when he got brutally executed, he couldn’t control his human sexual urges and so went about humanly fulfilling them. Additionally, we know Jesus makes arrangements for the care of his mother even when he dying on the cross (sons, take note) but he makes no such accommodations for his mystery wife (and if people think it’s Mary Magdalene, she’s also standing right there).
A decent man puts aside his own desires for the care of others. Jesus wouldn’t begin a romantic relationship that would ruin a woman’s reputation and leave her destitute.
JESUS WAS SINGLE. He didn’t need human/earthly marriage because He was already in a perfect relationship as a person in the Trinity and as the bridegroom of his people that will be consummated when everything has been made right. Jesus didn’t need a sexual or romantic relationship. People get it twisted. Jesus already had the perfect intimacy that marriage is pointing to.
Marriage is a temporary state that points to the eternal state. But singleness can do that as well. I wish I could just copy and paste the two chapters Christopher Yuan writes on singleness from his book Holy Sexuality and the Gospel. There have been a few of the speakers/authors I’ve shared who have discontinued identifying within the LGBT community and gotten married. And some have not. Neither is a better or more spiritual state before God and we shouldn’t act like it is. Yuan, who is single, writes about this and tries to get Christians reoriented to a biblical view of marriage and singleness.
“Jesus didn’t die so we could get married; he died so we could have him.” (p98)
“Jesus and Paul were single, but they weren’t immature, selfish, or fearful of commitment.” (p99)
Back to why identities like “gay” or “straight” are so important to some, it’s because the world thinks sex and desire are the most important aspects of what it means to be human.
“The Bible does not categorize humanity according to our sexual desires– or any other sort of desire.” (p47)
“We’ve pigeon-holed ourselves into the wrong framework for biblical sexual expression: heterosexuality, bisexuality, or homosexuality. It’s time to break free from this paradigm and embrace God’s vision for sexuality. Holy Sexuality consists of two paths: chastity in singleness and faithfulness in marriage. Chastity is more than simply abstention from extra-marital sex; it conveys purity and holiness. Faithfulness is more than merely maintaining chastity and avoiding illicit sex; it conveys covenant commitment.” (p47)
“Both of these embody the only correct biblical sexual ethic and unambiguously articulate the exact expressions of sexual behavior that God blesses.” (p47).”From Genesis to Revelation, in the entirety of the Biblical witness, only two paths align with God’s standard for sexual expression: if you’re single, be sexually abstinent while fleeing lustful desires; if you’re married, be sexually and emotionally faithful to your spouse of the opposite sex while also fleeing lustful desires.” (p48)
Marriage is good. Singleness is good. Both can be lust-filled, selfish, or sinful. Both can be God-glorifying, servant-making, healthy, and holy. Whatever stage we are in, may we seek to live it out in a way that exemplifies the qualities that bring God glory and honor.
Do Better Theology 